Conversations with Racists: Part 1

I spent past few days with my boyfriend’s family and in parts it was lovely experience, but we had few conversations about racism, islamophobia, black people and Muslims that are so representative of our Polish mentality and that drives me crazy. And the conversations I had way to many times.

I really don’t know how to start this post, so let me first tell you something about myself: I’m white woman, I come from very privileged background, I had happy childhood, almost painless adolescence, relatively successful academic education and a happy relationship. Life has been pretty good to me.

I didn’t want to say all those things to rub them in your face and prove to you that your life sucks, and mine don’t. This start is to show you that if I wanted to look from the perspective of my general life experience, something that happened personally to me, well, then world is a pretty good place – no discrimination, no poverty, no oppression, equal and happy people everywhere. Luckily, regardless of my happy life, I never lived in a bubble.

But let’s get to the point.

Poland, my country of origin, is one of the main bastions of racism in Europe. Not only we don’t hide with our racists believes, but we are proud of discrimination we impose on other ethnicities. What other see as progress (hate crime laws, proper education, activism against racism, sexism, etc.), we see as sucking up to backward people who should have been put in their place and not be lenient on them.

I’m freakin’ serious.

Okay, I’m being somewhat unfair. What I noticed about my country is two things: there are people who are open and tolerant and there are those who are absolutely sexist and/or racist and/or homophobic. However, it seems that the freedom of speech is granted mainly to the second group of people. Recently, I hear everywhere discriminatory and offensive remarks and almost nobody stands up and speak against them as if the right to offend somebody was greater than defending others.

But let’s get back to the conversation itself. There were few points made that appear way to often in this kind of conversations that I would love to shed some light and bring attention to its negative effect on our perception regarding other ethnicities.

1.      African’s are fighting because of their culture and unless we come and put everything in order, Africa will never be in peace.

If you talk about war and fighting, Africa will always be brought up at some point. And this is where it gets really frustrating, because you cannot explain the current situation in some African countries, without the historical context. And that’s complicated, different to every country and had different impact. It depends who colonise the country, what were the main purpose of colonisation (slave trade, resources, land), whether the coloniser wanted to oppress people and make them second class citizens to control them better or tried to make it a part of their country and establish something resembling a government and a state.

The history is so complicated and what had been done in Africa and what is still being done to Africa, cannot be dismissed.

But the main problem, when talking about “African” problems, is that Africa in minds of many is a country. One, not that big, uniform country. And tribal relations are main reason for fighting, because they don’t know any better.

Do you want to cry from frustration? I almost did.

I really don’t know how to explain to people that many tribes hasn’t exist before the arrival of Europeans (like artificial division of Hutu and Tutsi in Rwanda and Burundi that had nothing to do with their real tribe affiliation and everything with perceived superiority and physiological traits). Not to mention the fact that many tribes really lived in peace, they intermarried, had very rich cultural heritage, well developed social structure with respect towards every member of community.

But most people just cannot understand that many things happening in some African countries that we see as backwards and undeveloped are the result of Europeans imposing their culture, laws and oppression that destroyed social structures, communal ties and way of dealing with crimes and disorder. And we cannot use the argument “but colonialism ended 50 years ago”, because it’s difficult to rebuild the society that has been exploited, oppressed, fuelled by conflict from outside forces for decades. We should start concentrating on positive outcomes that some African countries are working towards and not only sighing with annoyance when we hear about ANOTHER "African" conflict in an African country.

And regarding the second statement, that we, white people are the only one who can make things right in Africa is preposterous. We should try to help as best as we can by engaging in conversation, sharing experience, helping in implementation of the projects that are designed by people on the ground. But coming in, imposing our ways and claiming that we know better? Which country should do this? USA, where 22% of children lives in families with income below federal poverty line? Or maybe Poland, where Church has more influence on social issues than people themselves? Or maybe Ireland, especially after the recent UN report claiming that women in Ireland are denied human rights?

So basically no one is in position to make a claim that “we know the proper way to solve your problems”. Most of African countries are on the way to discover the recipe for success, some are making mistakes, some are struggling, but they have to do it themselves.

2.      There is way too many black people and Muslims in Europe. If Black people and Muslims don’t like the way it is in Europe, they should get back to whenever they came from.

That one is… ugh. Let’s start with ethnic minorities that are allowed to stay in some countries, because they come from previous colonies or they received the status of refugee and they are under protection of refugee laws. Then let’s move towards ethnic minorities who are travelling within European Union. Many EU countries experienced an influx of migrants from other EU countries. But they are mostly invisible, becauuuuse… they are white. And those who are not white, are perceived as alien and therefore undeserving to be in a particular country.

When we look at the statistics on ethnic groups in Europe (I know the source is Wikipedia, but I think it still show some interesting patterns), most of the countries are homogenous, with their own ethnicity being a majority. For example, in UK less than 15% of population are of different ethnic background than “British”. In France, 84% of population is French and in general 67% has no recent immigrant in their ancestry. So Europe is not under attack of Muslim and African immigrants that are taking over our wonderful lands. Majority of members of so called “ethnic minorities” who are living in European countries have a citizenship of that country. So next time you see a black person complaining about a discrimination in a particular country, ask yourself whether he is just complaining, or is it true. And whether he has more right to be in the particular country than you do.

3.      Black people are racist too.

The issue of citizenship and ethnic minorities often brings this issue: Black people are racist too. What often follows is the vast list of instances where black person did something discriminatory against white person.

There are many problems presented in this statement and most of them, unfortunately, speaks more about the racism of a white speaker than perceived racism of black person.

But let’s get some facts straight:

Fact 1: Some black people are assholes. That’s true, but it doesn’t have its roots in racism. It’s rooted in their individual personality.

But let’s analyse the one particular situation. The example provided was as follows: my boyfriend’s sister needed to extend her visa (it was before Poland was in EU). There was few black girls from some French territory (Martinique or somewhere else). And each time she came to extend her visa, there were some documents missing, so she was sent back. As a result, each time the sister came to this office, she had the whoooole bunch of documents.

So here is my question: did those girls treat her like that because she was white or because she was immigrant? Would she be treated the same way by white French person or not? And maybe, just maybe, she was sent back all these times not because girls were discriminating her, but maybe she just didn’t have appropriate documents?

So what I hear in this situation are two things: first, the girls where just bitches who were like that to ALL migrants, because they were French and French people have a tendency to being xenophobic. Second: “how dare this black monkeys send me back to bring more documents? I should be treated in a better way, because I’m white”. Personally, I don’t think this situation would be so traumatising to the sister, if the rejection came from WHITE French person. And it wouldn’t be a big deal if a white person treated like that Black immigrant.

Fact 2: Just because some black people are assholes, or privileged, or successful, or are not discriminated against, it doesn’t and shouldn’t undermine the whole issue of institutional and social racism.

As in abovementioned situation, the girls were in position of power over a white person and that made people uneasy. What is more, those black girls were in any position of power ergo black people are not discriminated against because in a modern world they are in position of power.

As a supporting argument I usually hear is that many countries treat people of colour (sorry for the expression) with kid gloves and generally walk on eggshells in fear of racism, while mainly Blacks and Muslims are doing whatever they want.

And, black people’s racism towards white people is absolutely unacceptable! If they want us to change, they should change first.

ARE YOU F**** KIDDING ME?!

So let me get this straight: people who are constantly discriminated against by education institutions, police, more often live in poverty, with less access to various services, who constantly listen to racist (and ultimately limitlessly stupid) jokes and remarks should refrain from any aggressive, defensive or (God forbid!) offensive behaviours that might be perceived by privileged and oppressing group of people as discriminatory. And if they do show such behaviour, in order to be treated with respect like a human beings, they have to adjust their behaviour, so white people don’t get offended and can exercise freedom of choice whether to treat different ethnicities with respect or not.

Sometimes I have an impression that Black people are expected to sit quiet simply because their life is much better than it used to be. First, they are no longer enslaved, they are free, therefore they should just shut up and stop whining. Second, refugees who were welcomed in the particular country have it better here than they had over there, therefore they should just shut up and stop whining. Because if a Black person, even worse – immigrant Black person, find it’s voice and strength to speak up, then we will have menace on our hands and we might hear one or two things that we really don’t want to hear – that Europe is still racists, it’s bad and we have to be open to conversation and change of attitude, not the other way around.

4.      Yeah, but all the things you mentioned are the history. It happened and it doesn’t matter anymore. What do you have to say about what’s happening now?

At this moment I just gave up. I literally died inside.

Every situation in every country is rooted in its history. If there hasn’t been shortage of food, there would be no hunger. If there hasn’t been uprising, there wouldn’t be an instability.

And if the colonialism and slavery didn’t happen, most of “African” problems wouldn’t exist. It’s not to say that some countries or tribes or territories wouldn’t fight each other, but the structure of the conflict wouldn’t be different.

It hasn’t been an idea of local communities to divide the African countries the way that they are divided. Colonialism created artificial boundaries, dividing territories belonging to one group of people and assigning them to others. And as much as some countries are trying to find pride in their nationality, it’s difficult not to pay any attention to clan affinity.

Many African tribes had deep communal ties, had very complex system of handling social disputes and had a great respect for members of community and other human beings. They respected elders, women had their secret society that was beyond the reach of men (and men were punished for violating the boundaries), marriage has deeper meaning than simply receiving payment for giving away daughter, etc.

Europeans did not impose their rule of law, because they had a well-being of local population in minds. Anything that has been brought to African and imposed on people there was because Europeans saw Africans as backwards, worthless, whose value was counted only in the work they can do for a white person. Segregation, humiliation, genocide, slavery, exploitation of people and resources – all that deeply wounded African land and communities.

Not to mention the debt that many African countries are in, because of the warlords who “borrowed” too much money from world banks and they left civilians to pay off the debt on the cost of their dignity, integrity and well-being.

Some African countries were able to lift themselves up above the stereotypes and are working towards brighter future. Africa is booming and many African countries are fastest growing economically at the moment. It's developing rapidly, improving, establishing new trends and using modern technology.

But I cannot fight the impression that it would be much simpler for them if not for the interference from white people throughout the history. It’s us who introduced bribery, corruption and group domination. And it was us who ensured that some people remain poor for long time, because if they have little – they have still too much to lose.

All that history ripped away African population from their lands and displaced them around the world. Because of slavery, we have Black people in America. Because of colonialism, we have Black people in European countries. And because of white people interference, we have refugees who are in need for shelter from the atrocities that happened in their homeland.

So no, we cannot look at the present situation without paying attention to history. The current issues are results of the actions of the people in the past. So the conflicts we see now in media are not isolated outbursts of violence in some random places. Those are the outcomes of tensions that build up for a long time. And unless we realise the importance of historical context in every conflict, we won’t be able to find meaningful solutions.

Written by Vespertilio

5 Things to Remember When the Man Wants You to Have Unprotected Sex with Him

Have you ever decided to have an unprotected sex because a guy told you that he doesn’t like condoms?

Well, probably you have. I have also experienced this a few years back too many times than I should ever had. And I wish that back then I would be able to think in a way I do today.

We are all frequently reminded what an unprotected sex leads to, but in an atmosphere thick of sexual tension we tend to forget all the rules and believe that we will be okay. I guess this is how the mother nature has shaped us. We’re often careless when excited, hence it’s easier to reproduce.

But I am not going to teach you here what are the risks of having an unprotected sex because you certainly know it all too well - starting with pregnancy, through sexually transmitted diseases, up to lots of stress. 

But what it ACTUALLY means when a man asks you to put that condom aside.

1.      He doesn’t care about your health.

It can be all pink and rosy when you’re with your loved one in bed and he tells you he doesn’t have any STD’s because he loves only you and earlier he always protected himself. Don’t believe it. If tonight he doesn’t want to use a condom, he surely did the same thing with the girls before you. Very often men are not aware that they are infected with HPV or HIV or any other diseases, especially those which are not harmless for men but dangerous for women (like HPV). So although they can tell you that they are “clean”, don’t trust them and give them that condom.

2. He doesn’t care about your frame of mind.

And that's the reaction only if the guy
hangs around long enough to help
you out with the consequences.

The moment when you are about to have sex is a timeless pleasure when you want everything to be romantic or wild and sexy. For a man the intercourse and all its consequences theoretically end with his orgasm, but you are going to feel the echo of the decision of not using a condom until you get your next period. All those days of waiting for that ideal red stain on your panties can be agonising if the period happens to be even a bit late. A man who asks you not to use a condom because he doesn’t LIKE it, apparently has no idea whatsoever what his short and doubtfully more intense pleasure will mean for you. His temporary satisfaction will only entail days of you feeling nauseatingly stressed and not being able to focus on anything else, rather than thoughts of when the hell will you get that period. Is his satisfaction really worth that agony?

3. He only cares about his own pleasure.

And not yours. During the intercourse, your thoughts of the fact that he is inside you now without any protection and that you have to fully depend on his ability to control himself to ejaculate outside your vagina can really damage the whole experience of love making. How should you relax if you know that a bit of forgetfulness can have a massive impact on your future? It’s all about forgetting yourself and relaxing when having sex, so why should you worry about anything just because he wants more satisfaction? 

Your pleasure is equally important as his. 

Tell him to wear a condom. Period.

4. He thinks a morning-after pill is an easy escape.

The rules on how to get an emergency contraception differ substantially from country to country. In most of the Western European countries it is more or less easy to access it. You can either get it for free at a GP or buy it without a prescription for a decent price. 

Unfortunately, it’s not so easy-breezy in some countries, for example: Poland. In order to get the pill, you have to visit a doctor and be lucky enough to get a prescription from him/her. It often happens that they want to “protect your morals” and their own conscience so they refuse to fulfil your request. Sometimes after not being able to receive it at a doctor’s covered by your insurance, you have to head to a private doctor. After procuring the prescription, you have to go to a pharmacy and pay around 15 to 30 euros for one stupid pill. 

And all that quest must be undertaken within 72 hours after this guy’s ejaculation in your vagina. 

Not to mention all of the side effects that the pill will have on you. Nausea, headaches, vomitting, ridiculously painful contraction, because your uterus is getting ready to get rid of anything that comes near it, mood swings and many other shabang that goes with taking an emergency pill (insertion by Vespertilio).

Is it really worth it?

5. He doesn’t care about YOU.

Honestly, if this guy still doesn’t want to use condoms although he knows how highly stressed you will be, he shouldn't be the guy to spend the night with. Be straightforward and tell him: no protection means no sex. Thank you very much, now leave.

Care about yourself same deal, or even more, than this guy cares about his temporary satisfaction. 

Good luck and enjoy your safe and worry-free sex! :-)

Written by Nakshatri

Open Letter to All Negative and Hateful People

It’s been a while since we posted something on our blog, and we’re sorry for that. Reasons for that varies: lack of time, holidays, new places, new people, new adventures.

Mainly we haven’t written anything, because we are tired. Since we started to write this blog, we follow various news outlets and women-centered stories and we are surrounded by enormous pile of shit, it’s unbelievable. 

Of course, we should expect that, nobody promised us roses and daisies and that all be just cuddly, sweet and super – duper cool and we all be friends once we start the feminist blog.

We knew it’s going to be hard.

Nevertheless, the amount of hatred and negative energy and resentment towards women and any subject (even remotely) connected to feminism is just suffocating. It’s overwhelming. It’s appalling.

If I see any bit of news where the rape victim is blamed for her assault; where somebody is saying something so absolutely and terrifyingly sexist and stupid; where an influential speaker lacks the understanding of basic mechanisms of functioning of society, human body or psychology; where a person gets criticized for defense of somebody’s rights – I swear to God, I’m going to scream, yell, throw a tantrum and go on maniac spree where I will be painting dicks on government’s buildings. 

I’m serious.

In terms of gender equality, feminism, sexual orientation, sexual attraction, gender roles, sexual violence, misogyny and patriarchy, there is whole wide world out there of different opinions. Unfortunately, those most offensive and hateful are the one that are yelled the loudest.

I just cannot understand how much hate and negativity people bear inside of them. Is it really that difficult to understand that everybody wants normal and happy life? Is it so terrible that I, as a woman, may see the problems in modern society and just want to feel safe and have the same prospects as men? I don’t want your money, I just want the sense of security that I’m protected by law and government from exploitation, sexual assault, domestic violence, trafficking and discrimination. Is it really that much to ask?

And what about all other-than-heterosexual people? Is it really that much of a tragedy that they will commit to a person of the same sex? Many countries are accepting gay marriage and somehow the world didn’t devilishly turned upside-down. So why is it still such a tragedy to “God fearing” but really hypocritically backwards societies to accept that everybody has a right to a family, to love and be loved by a person of their choice?

Transgender and transsexual people! They are just want to bring the world to an end! If we ever see the world crumbling down, it’s because of them. How DARE they defy God’s decisions? If the God gave them penis, they are bound to love that penis and cherish that penis for the rest of their life. If the God gave them vagina, it’s designed to give pleasure to the penis, so don’t you dare getting rid of it!

For crying out loud, it doesn’t hurt society and people if one person just changes some things about their body. You can’t see it from the Eiffel Tower, you can’t see it from the moon, so it really doesn’t destroy the grand scheme of things. But it might, just MIGHT make somebody happier about and with themselves.

That’s just the few examples of the hatred and discrimination and hostility that other people endure. Most often the people who dare to be different, who dare to stand out, who dare to disagree with generally accepted norms and who dare to speak up are the ones who takes the most beatings.

So I have a message to all of those hateful and discriminating people. And other people as well.

In life and in society there are two things: things that matter and things that don’t matter.

What doesn’t matter is your opinion.

Sure, you have a right to an opinion, but generally speaking, your opinion is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if you are a “normal” person and it shouldn’t definitely matter if you are a politician or a public person. And most importantly, nobody’s opinion, that is in any way potentially discriminatory, should be taken into consideration when deciding about other people lives. Somebody’s interpretation of religious norms cannot be considered when implementing a piece of legislation. It cannot be considered when talking about other people freedoms and rights. And it unquestionably cannot lead to limitation of the rights of others.

The thing that matters is whether every person that is a part of a society, community or locality has equal rights. Can he or she do whatever they want with their life? Their career? Their future? Their body? Can her or she participate in a social life in the same way than another he or she can?

The thing that matters is that you have no right to limit freedoms of others. You have no right to spread your hate and suffocate others with your bigotry and self-ideation. There is a freedom of speech, you have a right to speak – but have also the right to remain silent. But it would be advisable for you to use the second option more often.

You have a right to have an opinion, to have your say, but don’t think for even the moment that you have a right to shove it in the faces of the others that you deem unworthy of existing. You are not creating a better future with your hatred, you are not creating anything. You are leading to a destruction of norms and deterioration of society.

I’m watching the news and I don’t believe in what I’m seeing. In Poland there is a medieval level discussion about domestic violence, with politicians and priests speaking against European Treaty on Violence Against Women. They cannot come up with a comprehensive legislation, because some politicians are against any other definition of family than “catholic” one. Also Poland is dragging its feet in terms of civil partnership or same-sex marriages, because… it’s against the “normal” definitions of families.

I see here four families? What about you?

You know what you can do with your limited definition of family? You can stick into your… significant bottom of the body. I don’t care whether you think that me and my partner are a family. I don’t care. For me, we ARE and that’s what matters. And only that should matter.

I hear the cavemen-style conversation about women being subordinate, wanting to be raped and deserving to be beaten. I see people protesting against equal rights for gay or transgender people, sex education, contraception, abortion, just basically anything that doesn’t concern them, but could somehow make other people’s life easier.

It’s sickening.

I just encountered the story, where anti-abortionists suggest euthanasia for raped women, because if they are willing to “kill” one of the rapists victims – a child, we can also kill the second victim as well. I will not even go into deeper discussion about abortion and all of the shit that “pro-life”, but really pro-nobody-f****-knows-what (because definitely it’s not life) claims. But how can a person, a man, who will NEVER get pregnant, be so fast to judge another person, their decision, their willingness to pick up the pieces after a traumatic event and carry on with what’s left of their normality. 

If you are a man, shut up on the topics of how it is to be a woman.

You are a woman who leads happy successful life? Shut up when the women who didn’t have as much luck as you do speak up of what happened to them.

You are white? Never dare to say that racism doesn’t exist and black people do not encounter any discrimination. And don’t you ever dare to say that immigrants are to blame for any mishaps in your country. You and other citizens fucked up, not them.

You are heterosexual person sure of their sexuality? Just don’t talk about how confused gay, bisexual or other-than-heterosexual people are. You now nothing, you are not them, so just shut up and let them be.

Are you happy with God-given gender? Good for you. But don’t use that God to bring down, humiliate and bully people who are convinced that God might have made mistake and they are on the path to correct that mistake.

Or maybe he is a guy who wears dreasses. Good for him, most of dresses are super comfy. You think he is disgusting? You are disgusting. He doesn't impact on your life, so stop trying to impact on his.

How can we claim to celebrate life, when most of us lack empathy, sympathy, warmth, understanding, willingness to understand (to any degree). Why is self-righteous bigotry so glorified and cherished, while any sign of solidarity with discriminated, underprivileged, victimized and invisible condemned and even socially punished?

My conclusion is as follows: if it doesn’t limit your basic human rights (below), but you don’t agree with it, just shut up and deal with it. If it does limit your rights and freedom, fight against it, but always remember – your freedom ends where another person’s starts.

Written by Vespertilio

P.S. For those who have no idea what human rights are, here is the link to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the European Convention on Human Rights. There is a high chance that you live in a country that accepted the Declaration, so get familiar with it and just try to respect rights of others.

P.S. 2. Last but not least... Song for all haters.

WOMEN AGAINST BEAUTY STANDARDS

Disclaimer: I have no problem whatsoever with long legs, skinny girls, visible bones, size 0 or whatever. I have a problem with long legs, skinny girls, visible bones or size 0 becoming the standard that every girl should be obliged to aspire to. There are countless body types, hair or eye colors, and sizes that women are born with. 

There is nothing wrong with being stylish, therefore there is nothing wrong with style tips. However, style or fashion should not be used to make women feel bad about themselves. ..... What? 

Tell me which of the following feels better:

• Wearing pastel colors is fashionable this season. 
• Wearing pastel colors can make your humble buttons appear bigger, so rock this pink pastel shirt!    

Hopefully you understand the point that I'm trying to express here. You may proceed. 

This article by Jenny Block has inspired our blog post (we recommend you to read it). Or precisely the response we got on our social media after posting this article. 
Jenny Block has pointed out the problematic message that gets to women through glossy magazines, it sneaks in so quietly that we often mistake it for well meant advises. 

"You are flawed, but we can tell you how to cover your flaws up."

"We can help you create an illusion that you are pretty."  

If I was asked to address the root cause of this situation I would most probably point my finger at popular belief that there is one type of body and one favored face structure considered beautiful and all the other body types should be covered up in such a way to mimic one perfect body type. People who unconsciously believe it to be true accept the fact that it's normal to feel uncomfortable in your skin. 

Women are advised to create an "illusion" and use "tricks" in order to appear acceptable. This way fashion magazines send us two messages:

• Who you really are is ugly, and
• You should work harder not to reveal the truth, trick everyone into thinking you are someone else, someone pretty enough to be loved.

If you are aging (how surprising) - use this cream

If you have pimples (how disgusting) - use this face wash 

If you are getting fat - take this pill, go on this diet

If you are tall - wear this type of trousers

If you are short - wear those shoes

If you are skinny - wear this skirt 

The motto that we don't hear is:

"As long as women don't accept who they are or how they look, the business is doing great." 

Caution: running naked in public is a criminal offence,
 even in Nike shoes

We live in an environment that surrounds us with images of perfect beauty. Never before in our history we were exposed to this amount of images of human body. However, we are being shown very little variety of what our body looks like. We grow up seeing only tall, skinny, blemishless women. 

Images of long legs or flat stomach are used excessively to sell us products that are in no way connected with female body. We have recently seen more pictures of male torsos, but really the amount of perfectly sculpted male abs is low compared to amount of female body parts used in ads or other media. 

The image of how female body should look like sneaks into our brains every day, we don't even notice it. Do a little experiment: on your way to work count billboards with images of women. If you don't yet understand the difference on how female and male body is used, after experiment 1 please do experiment 2. On your way to work count the amount of billboards with men on them. 

Like... Whats the point....?

Such exposure to images of perfect beauty has real life consequences. We tend to brush them aside, perhaps because the are typically "female problems". We ignore the influence media has on young girls and women. We trivialize the fact that women grow up seeing countless examples of how they should look like.  It's more than obvious that seeing models who are abnormally skinny triggers the endless dieting process in lives of many women. Often, it morphs into serious problem, like anorexia for example. 

Anorexia is "girls problem", so is bulimia. Boys are only 10 to 15% of anorexics. Nobody really cares that young women are starving themselves, disappearing in front of our eyes. Diabetes is genetic (they say), but anorexia is just a hysterical teenager with low self-esteem. Her fault, she's to be blamed for dieting too much.. well, anorexics diet till death. If you ever wondered why we should treat images of skinny women more seriously, here are some facts about anorexia. 

• 91% of women surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting. 22% dieted “often” or “always.”5
•  Anorexia is the third most common chronic illness among adolescents.7
•  25% of college-aged women engage in bingeing and purging as a weight-management technique.3
•  The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.4
•  Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.17
•  47% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported wanting to lose weight because of magazine pictures.12
•  In a survey of 185 female students on a college campus, 58% felt pressure to be a certain weight, and of the 83% that dieted for weight loss, 44% were of normal weight.1
• 69% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape.13
•  42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner (Collins, 1991).
• The body type portrayed in advertising as the ideal is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females.3
•  81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat (Mellin et al., 1991).
•  Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.4

Source

As a parent, wouldn't you like your government to do something about such dangerous, widespread  disease?

That's not the point, I wanted to write about something else. 

Women who write about beauty standards get very typical feedback. Mostly from men, but comments from women happen as well. 

1. Do you think men's bodies are not idealized in media? (Yes, they are.)
2.  Do you think men's bodies are not subject to similar scrutiny? (No, they are not. Look at experiment1 and experiment2. Then find me at least 3 articles with fashion tips for men where guys are advised how to create an illusion of flat stomach or larger biceps. Or just check this out)
3. There is no harm in fashion tips. (No, unless they are filled with messages of self-hatred) 
4. Plus, some women may actually need them... (Please, read the article by Jenny Block)
5. You are not pretty (read: you are ugly, lazy, moaning bitch), so you speak against beauty standards. 

"Desired effect" mention by this boy might be the key in understanding this post. btw there is no mention of "it's ok to tell men their bodies suck" in the article

Last issue with speaking against beauty standards, or any other issue addressed by feminists. Men asking why particular book, article or post doesn't mention men. 

It seems like men believe they are so important that a woman writing an article for women about female problem is somehow a threat to them. 

If I write an article about boats are you justified to complain why I didn't mention anything about submarines? Kind of similar subject, but.. no. 

If men need their voice to be heard they have all the possible options to express their thoughts. If they have any trouble because of their sex they are free to speak and write about it. In fact it could be beneficial for us all to see how gender roles really screw us all. Men don't need feminists to speak for them, and yet many feminists add "men have it hard too" and acknowledge that life of men isn't that easy. Having said that, I still believe that feminism is a movement focused on women for a reason. Ever heard about patriarchy? I guess it's like asking fish what water is.... 

Women are born in all sort of sizes and shapes, every "beauty standard" is by definition an impractical and even harmful concept. We cannot standardize humans like we standardize pencils. Time to fall in love with who we are. Time to accept our hips, bellies, breasts, cellulite and wrinkles because.. f**k it will save us tones of time and money. Not to mention the fact that self-acceptance increases levels of happiness ;) so have a good day ladies and gentleman. Close this shitty magazine you've been reading, wear what makes you FEEL beautiful and enjoy your life without thinking whether this shirt makes you look fat! 

Written by Inanna