Sterilisation? Take my wife!

Have you ever thought of undergoing the sterilisation procedure? Of the everlasting freedom you would get from all concerning thoughts about whether you are pregnant or not, simultaneously without losing your sexual abilities? 

Everything sounds nice if it is your own choice. But 83 women who were recently sterilised in Chhattisgarh, India, within only six hours, cannot admit they made their decision without any pressure from the family, health workers, and the society as a whole. 

Encouraged to undergo the surgery by getting between $10 to $23, 13 of them died and dozens of them fell sick because the doctor used contaminated medicines and rusty surgical equipment. The Mass Sterilisation Camp in Chhattisgarh saw the highest death toll due to the procedure in its recent history, shedding the light on the most common birth control method used in India. 

As many as 65 percent of Indian women aged between 15 and 49 have chosen the sterilisation as the form of preventing themselves from getting pregnant, according to the United Nations figures. Did you know that female sterilisation is globally the most common method of contraception? 

In fact, contraceptive pill is most common only in developed countries, while developing countries prefer to rely on the irreversible procedure, which basically always means female sterilisation, a much more risky surgery than vasectomy. 

Let’s take a look at some figures:

• 37 percent of all sterilised women on earth come from India
• 47 percent of women in the Dominican Republic chose sterilisation as contraception
• 39 percent of women in Puerto Rico also underwent the sterilisation
• Around 4.6 million women were sterilised in India between 2011 and 2012
• Only 1 percent of Indian men have had a vasectomy, compared to 36 percent of women having undergone sterilisation

Now the question arises, why so many women have undergone such a risky and difficult procedure across so many countries if the vasectomy is a much simpler surgery? A woman after sterilisation usually must stay in a hospital for a few days. A man after vasectomy can go home after this simple 15-minute-long procedure. 

In order to make a woman infertile, her abdomen must be open with an around 5 cm long cut to have her tubes tied. This usually involves a general anaesthetic. After the surgery, a woman can feel pain and all in all the surgery is much more invasive. A man needs a local anaesthetic to have his tubes that connect testicles to prostrate cut and tied. There is no pain as such involved in the procedure, apart from the one felt during the anaesthetic injection. 

A man could possibly make much more women pregnant within nine months than a woman deliver babies throughout her lifetime. If the government’s goal is to apply social birth control, why do they target women, and not men? 

Although vasectomy is a simple and non-invasive procedure, there is much more fear throbbing around it than around female sterilisation. First is the fear of pain. Ask any guy, everyone is doddering, shrinking and fretting on the thought of a surgery around their testicles. Unlike to what they show in the movies, to all those heroes who can stand any pain, have their arm or leg cut off without anaesthesia, in general men are indeed less insusceptible to pain than women. 

One, almost equally massive fear that predominates among men, is losing their virility after the vasectomy. It is a myth that a man will cease to be masculine together with the procedure. Actually, erections and sex drive stay unaffected. Plus, the freedom from worry of pregnancy can even enhance a couple’s sex life. 

Moreover, quite many rumours persist about the complications of such a surgery, while, in fact, vasectomy is one of the most studied of all medical procedures and everything indicates that it is safe. 

Shouldn’t such information be spread all around the world? Why is it that women have to sacrifice their lives only in order to safe a man from his mythological fear of losing his virility? Women in developing countries should be informed of other contraceptive options, which are often safer and much less invasive. It is always about the right to choose and once again that right being taken away from women. 

Other side of the lack of choice emerges in Poland, where apparently limiting people’s freedom of choice is a commonly used practice. There, it is illegal for a doctor to conduct a sterilisation as the law says a person who deprives another person from the ability to procreate, risks spending 10 years in prison. You cannot legally sterilise yourself in Poland, even when you have seven children, you are poor or unhealthy or another pregnancy could pose a risk to your life. 

While in most of developed countries sterilisation is officially recorded as one of the birth control methods or it is simply legal, if you happen to live in Poland or be poor in India, you can find it challenging to decide about your procreation rights and your own future. 

But who else will live your life for you rather than yourself?

Written by Nakshatri

Unwanted Kisses, Obligatory Handshakes, Pre-War Decorum and Feminism

Recently I had a pleasure of reading a very insightful and interesting interview (more like informal chit – chat - in Polish) with famous Polish rapper – Adam “Łona” Zielinski. In addition, Adam is a friend of the family and I know from the fact that he is freakishly intelligent so I eagerly indulged in the lecture while drinking my morning coffee.

The interview was mostly about everything and nothing, little bit about politics, little bit about social situation in Poland, little bit about himself. It was the brain-stimulant I need before getting ready to conquer the world – easy to read, yet very sharp and thought-provoking.

And then it happened. One fragment DID provoke me to think about the issue further.

Of course, recently if we start talking about doctors in Poland (and issues of women’s patient rights violations), automatically there has to emerge subject of feminism. And here it what was said (I did a quite awesome translation, I must say):

Interviewer: Would you participate in the Slut Walk?

Adam: No. However, I grieve when I see women who are falling into patriarchal system of thinking themselves.

Interviewer: I grieve when female politician talks about parities and then she’s offended when a man addresses her the same way as any other friend.

Adam: Okay. I myself do not agree with equal treatment, I would prefer to be gentlemen towards ladies. But it doesn’t mean that woman shouldn’t have equal rights. My female colleagues are the amazing lawyers. They are substantially better than their male colleagues, yet they earn less. I can forgive feminists the pathos, form, rabidity. On one hand I defend equal rights, on the other – the image of pre-war gentleman and ladies. I would love to see woman who is both feminist and lady, and for the world to appreciate and promote it. May the word “lady” prevails in use. No harm will come to feminists if they allow to preserve it. It’s a nice word.

Basically, this fragment mimics the entire interview – it’s witty and comprehensive. And yet something is missing here. Depth.

Let me explain.

First: The choice of Slut Walk as example of feminist activity.

Ban Ki Moon

It always baffles me why everybody keeps mentioning only the most controversial activities of some factions of feminism? There is such a wide spectrum of types of feminism: liberal, radical, Marxist and socialist, cultural, black, eco-feminism and probably millions of others examples, as probably each woman is a feminist in different way. But we all have this radical and provocative notion that women are actually human beings and deserve equal rights. Different groups can have different vision and agendas regarding what is specifically meant by “equality” and most importantly all of the groups have different vision of how to bring equality into the society. So please, tell me, where this persistence of giving label “feminist” only to the most radical and controversial groups came from? And why there is this persistence in ignoring all this high profile people, who are obviously feminists? Just because they are not showing their tits and yelling, they are not worthy to be called “feminist”?

I would love to see an article (or video or song or anything) where somebody sparks a  conversation about feminism starting from: “what do you think about Angelina Jolie’s speech during Global Summit to End Sexual Violence in Conflict?” or “What do you think about Anna Dryjańska’s feminist activity?” or if you don’t want to go into heavy stuff: “Laci Green really have a point (didn’t have a point) in her video about…”; or to have male representation “have you seen any video of Jackson Katz? What do you think about male feminists?”.

And yet there is this persistent, consistent, insistent and absolutely annoying mania for sticking to feminist stereotypes of aggressive behaviour, “rabidity”, questionable personal hygiene and expression of other forms of behaviour widely described as “masculine”.

Second: Preservation of ladylike behaviour

I understand where Adam is getting here. After WW2 Poland lost many representatives of aristocracy and intelligence, scientists, poets, writers and therefore we lost our models for higher standards of behaviour. With emergence of communism the promotion of hard work and simplicity, the state of that pre-war decorum deteriorated even further until it was totally forgotten. I also weep for those times, especially when I’m going to the theatre and I see people in jeans and sneakers, or people wearing sports clothes in the church.

There is nothing wrong in longing for seeing people behaving more… gracefully and tactfully. But it is wrong to pinpoint specifically the disconnection between “ladylike behaviour” and feminism. The truth is, we are so far from that times. Men in general couldn’t be more apart from the image of gentlemen – instead there is plague of rude, sex driven, sexists. In such situation, expecting women to protect the word “lady” and generally “ladylikeness” is showing the worrying insistence in preserving the perception of how women should behave, but at the same time absolutely ignoring the fact that men rarely have to adhere to any properly stated form of behaviour. Especially the one that requires them to respect other people, women in particular.

Again, I understand Adam’s love for those standards. However, I don’t see it happening in the nearest future. Not because it’s against “feminist agenda”, but because it is simply not feasible, as in the modern world women cannot be graceful, moderate and passive (as pre-war ladies were) and at the same time fight with everyday sexism and being silenced, objectified, belittled and not taken seriously. You cannot expect women to preserve and promote ladylike behaviour without strongly promoting gentlemanlike behaviour and equal rights.

In short: mutual respect for each other as human beings and our rights.

However recently, with this obsession for promoting men’s rights to sex, their promiscuity, rough masculine power and ruthlessness, there is little gentlemen left. And if those few golden boys want to improve general standard of behaviour, the job need to be done starting from their fellow men and then they can start complaining that there is deficit of ladies. Otherwise it just sexist and discriminatory.

Third: Wanting equal treatment equals being treated like a “one of the guys”.

Let me quote the fragment again: Interviewer: I grieve when female politician talks about parities and then she’s offended when a man addresses her the same way as any other [male] friend.

Actually, this fragment is so ridiculously inappropriate and shallow that I had no idea where to start.

Okay, I think I know.

There is huuuuge difference between equal treatment and equal rights (what actually Adam pointed out). Personally, I never understood the logic behind arguments claiming that feminists by equal rights they secretly want to be men.

For example: “I fight for equal rights” and answer “so why don’t you go work in quarry” or “I don’t know why you feminists don’t want to shave your legs” or like here “you are feminist so why don’t you carry heavy bags”. I really don’t know how some people can go from equal rights to unshaven legs. Or carrying heavy things. I don’t carry heavy bags not because I am hypocritical feminist, but because they are heavy and my boyfriend is stronger. I believe the logic: “he/she who is stronger does more things that require strength” has its merits.  

But all of this has nothing to do with the subject. Like Adam pointed out, feminists are advocating for equal right, for example to education, to progression in career, equal pay, to sexual freedom, to choose who to marry, when to have kids, with whom to have kids. And finally the right to participate in public life and be greater in numbers in governmental representation.

I don’t see the transition from talking about political participation of women to the nonverbal statement of “I actually want to be a guy”. Why is it so difficult to understand that we feminist first and foremost want to have equal rights, but at the same time still remain the women (whatever the hell that means)?

There is also one other problem with this statement: assuming that by wanting equal rights we simply want to be treated as guys.

Well, for example I don’t. I want to be treated as human being, not a representative of a gender.

Let me elaborate further on this. Imagine Frank. Frank is your good friend. Now think about Frank’s interaction with other men. How he interacts with his best friend, classmates, random friends from school, his teachers, his father, grandfather or distant male relative. Does he treat them the same way? Everybody, the same way?

Probably not. Frank adjusts his behaviour in male-to-male interaction according to the status, personality, age, etc. of other man. And that’s a natural thing. Because there is no prescribed ways of social interaction in man-man relationships, even friendships, the same as there is no prescribed ways of woman-woman interaction.

There is, however, an acceptable way of social interactions between man and woman and it implies that woman should agree to the way that man chooses to interact with her. Does he want to kiss her hand? Well, she better accepts it gracefully. He doesn’t want to kiss her hand instead he prefers to shake it, but she wanted the kiss? She shouldn’t have expect that, because he wants to treat everybody equally. He shakes hands with men but doesn’t with women and she wants to shake hands. Is she crazy?! She’s woman. Etcetera etcetera etcetera…

Now let’s back to the interviewer’s statement.

Why the notion of “equal treatment” implies being treated like “one of the guys”? That’s not equal. That’s enforcing dichotomy of interaction and rejection of greater spectrum of human interactions. And that’s sexism at its best. By imposing stereotypical “guys” ways of interaction as an equal treatment, we totally ignore somebody’s right to have their comfort zones, both men and women, and how they want to interact with each other and others.

Generally, there is no space for accepting that we actually want to be treated as human beings and therefore have the RIGHT to choose how we will interact with others in our everyday lives. Why this female politician cannot choose how she will be treated by her colleagues? Just because she fights for equal rights, does it mean she abandoned her right to be respected and being treated the way she wants to be treated?

Sure, some feminists want to be treated like men. But some don’t. And yet they also want to be treated equally. How? It can be achieved by respecting our boundaries, by respecting our willingness or lack of willingness to participate in certain practices and most importantly by allowing us to express our opinion on this issue. Without judgements, labelling, ridiculing, belittling.

I know that this statement implies some level of schizophrenia and bipolarity. But it’s actually very easy to achieve by following 3 A’s rule: Act, Ask, Accept or Ask, Accept, Act. (I leave it to your discretion).

So for example, Frank wants to kiss Mary’s hand, but she doesn’t want that. Frank asks what kind of method of greeting she prefers, she answers that she prefers to kiss on a cheek (or headshake or wave from the distance). Franks accepts that.

And conversely, if Frank wants to shake hands, but Mary would preferred to be kissed, she should say so. But she should also ask and accept Frank if he doesn’t practice hand-kissing in any case.

Again it's not only about handshake or kiss. That’s just a simple example for mutual respect and acceptance of equal right to choose how the person wants to be treated. But it can be applied to every human interaction.

Sometime ago there was this whole issue about a model who didn’t want to kiss Tour the France winner. There were comments like “I feel bad for the guy”, “that girl is a jerk” or “she is full of herself”. But most were just missing the point: that simply she didn’t want to give him a kiss, even though that’s the type of social situation, where it seems the kiss is “appropriate”.

Just to quickly sum up: I admire Adam and his work and I really value his opinion. The interview generally was well spoken and the questions led to really engaging conversation. But as comes to feminism, equal rights, equal treatment and forming opinion on this matter, both speakers should just check their facts first. And it wouldn’t hurt anybody to just accept that the world is changing and women’s behaviour will also change, but it would be lovely if we were free to decide about this ourselves. 

Written by Vespertilio

My Big Fat Happy Life

Unknowingly we started “Positive Body Image Month”. Inanna shared her story of growing up with the negative view of her body and now it’s my turn.

I am a big girl. Not to say, that I am independent and I can handle myself, I mean I am BIG. Let’s say it: I am fat. (pause for the dramatic effect and to see your reactions…)

I can bet that most of you created the whole speech to me that I shouldn’t say that, that probably I am exaggerating and that it’s not that bad. Virtually, I cannot say that I am fat.

And you see, this is a problem number one. Fat people are not allowed to admit that they are fat. We are not allowed to say that we are fat and that we are happy with it. Especially women. Because all women should strive for this wasp/Barbie/unattainable body shape and they simply cannot just stop and enjoy their life, even if they are fat.

Some of you will give millions of examples of fat people who are nice, funny and happy. And here we have problem number two: fat people are not just people. Somehow we cannot be just funny and nice or angry and sad. We are always "fat and funny", "fat and nice", "fat and angry". As if our body defined our behaviour.

I’ve heard it all. I know how I look and I know that I have way to many kilograms altogether. But I don’t mind. By saying “I’m fat” I don’t expect pity. I don’t expect confirmation or refusal of my statement. I don’t expect to be comforted that “it’s not that bad”. I just want people to accept that I am fat, I know that I’m fat, I will say that I am fat and I will be happy with my body.

There. I said it.

It wasn’t easy, it took me ages to understand the whole problem with fat people. The problem is not that we are plum or round or curvy. Problem is that word “fat” became so pejorative, that we've become so scared to even think that we are what we are. And despite our efforts if we came to that conclusion and the world around us confirms our fears, we have to feel bad about it and we must want to change it!

Well, screw this. I won’t change. Not for the sake of adjusting to the modern perception of beauty.

I was always a plum child. I was always the fattest in the class. I was slow, I wasn’t good at sport (even though I was swimming, playing tennis, etc.) and I was never considered pretty. I grew to hate my body and hate myself for how I looked. I envied my friends so much that they are thin, because everybody around me made me feel like less successful person and a student. I was fat so I couldn’t be as promising as they are!

The truth is, I was one of the best students. I am freaking smart. I’ve always been. But I was frequently compared to other good students and I didn’t stand a chance against them, because I was fat and they were not.

And if you think about it, there is very little successful fat people shown in movies. There is this tendency for depicting fat people as lazy, annoying, obsessed with something (either food or money or power) or silly, harmless, "normal" quiet people. There is very little extraordinary and unique fat that saved the world or were just rulers. Fat people rarely are perceived as hero material.

When I was 15, I started dieting. I wasn’t that reckless as my other friends, I had quite considerate, well-balanced diet, I exercised every day. And I lost 15kg within 2 years (I know it was slow, but that’s how it was). I was within normal BMI, but my body wasn’t perfect. My legs where to short and crooked, my thighs were to wide, my belly had this roll of skin that I didn’t like. During this 2 years, each day I was standing in front of the mirror, sucking my belly in and I saying: “I wish I had belly like this”. Each day. And even though I got thinner with each month, I still wasn’t happy.

One day it hit me. I will never be happy with how I look. Because I am not perfect and I could never be perfect. It’s unattainable. My friends who were thin, they have it easy. I didn’t. Not with my body type. I will always be far from perfection.

Probably if I hadn’t have this epiphany, I would became anorexic. There was a moment when I didn’t want to eat, because I was afraid that I will gain weight and I will lose it all.

I quit dieting and I was amazingly happy. Full and happy. Without the need for worrying what to eat and when. Happy happy happy! 

I gained some weight, but I still was normal. However, at the time I got diabetes. I gained few to many kilograms due to poor management at the onset of my illness. Currently I am eating healthy, I cut my carbohydrates intake, if I want sweets I go for dark chocolate or dry fruits. I bake cakes with coconut flour and stevia. I eat lean meat. I use coconut or olive oil for cooking. My meals are composed in 2/5 of vegetables, 2/5 of meat and 1/5 of carbs. I have a medium activity, I walk a lot and I do pole dancing and Irish dancing once a week. But I'm still fat.

Here is the problem number three. Fat people, in the minds of others, cannot be fat and maintain healthy lifestyle. It just doesn't add up. If you eat healthy food and exercise, why are you fat? 

Well, life is a bitch, I can tell you that. For me, it takes me a month to lose 3-4kg, but one day of "sinning" is enough for me to have terrible sugar levels and subsequently gain 1kg. 

I cannot overstate the fact that I don't mind being fat. What bothers me is the assumptions, attitudes, perceptions, uneasiness and stereotypes.

The discrimination against fat people is a real thing and it is damaging. You have no idea how big of a deal is my body to other people. As if my body is on a public display to comment or ignore. I heard zillion “caring” comments about my body. And since I am fat and I am not worrying about it, it gave people the impression that they can say to me whatever they want.

On each family gathering, there is at least one aunty who comments that I am fat. But I look happy, so it’s not that bad.

That if I lose weight, boys will like me. Don’t I want to have a boyfriend and be happy? (Obviously I cannot be happy without a boyfriend).

Or when people found out that I was single, I always heard: Ohh... Nobody wants you? (Obviously I cannot just be single and be happy when I'm fat).

There is so many things wrong with this picture...
What kind of moron created this?

For crying out loud, I get my undergrad in UK, I have my Masters from Ireland, I travelled the world, I did volunteering, I participated in countless courses and workshops. I have so many amazing stories to tell and experiences to share, I have wonderful friends all over the world, but still the biggest news is whether I lost or gained weight.

I am not saying that if you are fat, you should just accept that and not do anything with this. There is always an issue of health. There are some diseases that are more evident in obese people and are more dangerous to you, when you are fat. However, health should be the only reason for wanting to change one’s body. One and only reason.

But I will never ever do it again to be thin. I don’t care about being thin. I don’t mind being fat. I love my body and few more kilograms doesn’t bother me.

Because being fat is nothing bad. I can say it now with full confidence: I am fat and I am happy!

Written by Vespertilio

My Body Image Tortures

The first time I remember telling myself my stomach was too fat I was around 10 years old. Unfortunately for me, my brain got sort of stuck there and didn’t move on ever since then. Back in my teenage years I had no idea how common this problem was, I thought it’s just me wanting my stomach to be little bit more flat and the rest of the girls – they all look perfect, so they most probably feel perfect too.

The years of constantly worrying about how my body looks really drained me. And you know what? I realized that as long as I tie my happiness to my waist line, I will never feel good enough. Because there will always be one centimeter more that I could lose, right?

Today we talk a lot about loving our body the way it is, but aren’t we all falling into a trap of looking into the mirror to tell our body “I love you” and ending up planning new exercise routine? Or is it just me?! “Accepting my body? Just like that? No excuses? But here is a little bit I could improve and I should really start exercising again, and fuck sake, have to stop eating sweets!!!” – That’s my typical thought process.

I started paying attention to my body quite early and I still have a long way to go to just relax and enjoy my life without worrisome looks into the mirror. When I was in 4^th or 5^th grade I had a “diet diary”, when I found it recently I was shocked and thanked myself, that I was never really able to stick to this “food plans” I have been making for myself. Here’s one example of how I used to imagine my perfect food day:

Breakfast: 1 plain toast

Snack: apple

Lunch: whatever they make me eat, no second helpings (my family eats lunch together)

Snack: water

Dinner: tomato cucumber salad

Isn’t it terrifying? It sounds completely sadistic. No teenager should restrict their food this way. If I had continued such “diet” I would most probably end up anorexic. What’s more important, as a young girl I shouldn’t have been worrying about my stomach size!!! I shouldn’t have been thinking about diets and exercising. Kids should be discovering the world, studying, playing with friends, reading mind opening books (or even stupid books! Vespertilio), enjoying their life – not thinking how they look like or what people think about their body.

It makes me sad to think how much time I have wasted thinking about my body, worrying needlessly. Did I mention, I was never really fat? Maybe when I started puberty I got a bit chubby, but I never really crossed my proper body weight!!!

I wish when I was growing up someone would show me, that how I look is the least important thing now. I wish someone would have told me “BEING THIN DOESN’T GIVE YOU POWER”. Self confidence that comes from weight loss is temporary. After initial thrill you’re back to square one.  I wish when I was growing up first and most common compliment wasn’t “oh, you are so pretty, you look so slim”.

Instead, I grew up looking up to my mother who was constantly trying to lose weight after birth of my younger brother. It’s not a story of how angry I am with my mom, not at all. It’s a story of connecting and sympathizing with other women, including my mother. Back in 1996 standards of beauty were not any less harsh and demanding for ladies, even after having a baby. Of course, it’s not only my mother and other women that I knew who had influenced me. Most of all, it was this perfect unrealistic women staring at me from TV and magazines, alternating how I see myself. I haven’t fully realized it until I watched “Killing ussoftly” documentary.

I’m now 23 and I still live with my own double standards. Even today, I like the feeling of no fat around my waist line, but I slowly grow to appreciate my feminine curves and I acknowledge that I’ll have more of them as I age, its nature. Today I look at my legs and I like them the way they are, no thigh gap, I like them to look strong! It’s an improvement! Hope my brain will evolve and allow me to end this body image tortures I’ve been going through for past 13 years.

Talking about it helps, although it’s scary to write about it - I hate admitting my weaknesses! Perhaps if more of us would talk honestly and openly about our body image problems we would realize that in today’s world it’s a universal human experience to doubt if we are beautiful.  I’m still on my way to liberation and official not-giving-a-fuck about size of my body, but I’m getting there!!! 

Every story shared by other women online helps, so maybe… write about your experience too? ;) 

Written by Inanna

Let's Keep Fighting! My Body - My Rights!

Maybe we live in 21^st century, but Poland refuses to progress from Middle Ages. And many Polish people are proud of it.

Another day of Polish women struggle for their reproductive rights. Inanna and I are actively monitoring and reading new words that has been produced either for or against abortion in Poland.

After reading it all, it was really comforting to see that some doctors still abide the law and do the procedure when a women has a legal ground to ask for it.

It warms my heart to see all of those women sharing their stories, their strength and hopes for a better future. It’s amazing how many of them get support from their partners, who decided that the well-being of their woman is the most important thing in the world.

At the same time, it’s extremely depressing to see how many people spread hate and are first ones to insult other people. And it’s even more daunting how many people put the blame on women. For fighting for their rights. For wanting a better life. For wanting to be heard. For having needs. For having desires. For having dreams.

I really don’t get it how somebody, who claims to believe in a God, the merciful and almighty God, can have so much resentment toward another human being. How can somebody judge another person without knowing the whole story? Judging only based on partial information about sex life and choices. Didn’t Jesus said that “he who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (when defending an adulterous woman)? How can somebody, who claims to be a man/woman of faith can have so much hatred in their hearts?

Over the past few days I’ve read tens of articles about the situation in Poland, opinion essays, comments. I encountered billions of comments insulting women’s conscience and almost calling them monsters, if they even considered having an abortion.

Where did all of those people get the idea that somebody’s body and life is a public matter? Since when woman’s body is a public property? Since when anybody’s body is a public property?

I am a religious person, I believe in God, but right now I wouldn’t step into the church in Poland. I’ve heard to many sermons with too much judgement in it, too much hatred, too much negative messages. I’ve listened to priests who though that as they are so self-righteously pious they word is above the word of God. God can be your salvation, but a church will bring you down on your knees and be your judge. I couldn’t stand it. I believe that a God is love, he gives us strength and teaches us to show sympathy to other people and try to understand them, regardless of how different our situation is from theirs. And if we can’t, then we should stop criticizing. It’s not our place.

That case of an 11-year old girl still haunts me. How can people be so cruel and judgmental? She is a child, for crying out loud! She should be protected at all costs, her welfare should be a priority to all of us: her parents, family, neighbours, doctors, government! But we’ve heard so much bullshit from priests and politicians. About an abortion being another rape, about a girl’s maternal instincts waiting to be awaken.

"11-year-old girl should be under the care of psychologist and other doctors
and she should give birth to this child. This child we'll be on high demand
for adoption or maybe there will be a case, when the maternal instincts
will awaken in girl" Czesław Hoc

Yeah, sure, force her to be a mother. When the kid gets older, they can play together in hide and seek, help with homework and steal toys from each other. Instead of spending her allowance on sweets, she will be worrying about diapers and baby milk. Yeeeey! Who wouldn’t want that? Kids at that age should be learning about responsibility by having a puppy or kitten. Not a baby. And whoever claims that it’s the way it should be, tell it to your kid. Have them have a child right now. Is he 13? He will be a brilliant father! Is she 12? Who cares about her dreams and aspirations! Let her have babies!

Many people say that she should have the baby, but no one ask whether it’s good for her. She went through so much and all we can do is still disallow her desire to have a normal life. Or anybody else’s desires. Politicians say what she should or shouldn’t do, but can anybody guarantee their help throughout her life? She will go through some tough times, are you, Mr. Politician ready to pay for her therapy? For a babysitter when she will want to go back to school? For all the expenses that she will need for her education and for the child’s welfare?

We are spinning like crazy towards the pit, we can’t find a way out from our own hypocrisy and ignorance.

Few years ago there was a high profile case in Yemen, where 12-year-old girl died  after she had given birth to her child. She wasn’t raped, she was a child bride, whose husband couldn’t wait with sex until she gets older. There was an uproar all over the world, there were countless quotations of doctors who said that girls at this age should not have children. That it’s dangerous to their health and life. Their bodies are not ready for pregnancy.

I can’t even count the amount of comments condemning the situation in Yemen. How could parents be so heartless and marry off their child? How can a grown up man have sex with a child? It’s paedophilia, abomination, backward culture. But all of this happened in a faraway country, in another reality and we were so quick to decry them. There were so many voices saying how we are different from THEM. How we are more civilised. How we are better. How our religion is better.

I think this whole circus shows us that Polish society is no different than an orthodox Muslim societies that we are so eager to criticize.

"If you knew anything about women, you would know,
that you always slightly rape a woman" Janusz Korwin-Mikke

Maybe I am looking at this all wrong. Maybe we should follow different examples. Maybe we should marry off young girls as soon as they can menstruate, because if she is bleeding, then she can have babies and there is no time to waste. And we should cover all women! We have to prevent these few-years-old seductresses from leading astray those God fearing, virtuous boys! And we should marry off raped girls to their perpetrators! The problem of “unwanted” babies will be solved, child won’t be fatherless, and basically the rape will cease to exist, because everybody knows that you can’t rape your wife. Wouldn’t life be sooooo much easier?

Okay, sorry for that. Jokes aside.

We want women (and girls) to take responsibility for their sexual acts, but we don’t educate them. We won’t provide them with an opportunity to choose, have easy choice and their fully conscious choice. Doctors and politicians make an access to contraception so difficult at a times and so expensive that it’s impossible to make an informed decision about your own reproductive health. And after stripping women from the power to determine their own fate, everyone is so eager to judge their lack of responsibility for their actions.

What is worse we don’t educate boys to acknowledge that they also have to take responsibility for their actions. Heck, the society is ready to take the blame of their hands at any time, when things get tough for them. Because it’s woman’s responsibility to not have sex with a man. Because if she had control over her own desire, there wouldn’t be any problem.

Are you all freaking serious?

"We have such a low birth rate caused by feminist culture,so each child, even from rape,
is worth a fortune! If we have 200 rapes a day, it doesn't mean that as many
women conceived. They have been raped, usually because of their stupidity,
and sometimes they were asking for it" Krzystof Oksiuta

Our government wants people to have more children, but they are not ready provide a dignifying life conditions for those who want to have children. Those who could provide Poland with “more hands to work”. Wouldn’t it be easier to provide better care for mothers and their children? Wouldn’t it be better to take better care of single mothers? Wouldn’t it be better if all children were wanted? There are some people in this world who would love to have loads of children, but simply can’t afford it. So maybe instead of forcing women who don’t want to have children to breed and breed and breed, maybe it would be wiser to provide better incentives? Like, better “back to work” initiatives, more available upskilling courses, paternity leaves.

When will government and clergy realise that Poland is not a good place to live for many of its citizens and it’s time to do something about it? We have so many countries around us who have successes in areas that we are failing miserably, but in our arogance we are refusing to follow their example. When will they understand that social development is as important as economic development? That without improving social sphere, we will not be able to improve any other sphere?

The struggle in Poland is not over and is far from over. We’ve raised our voices, but we can’t be silenced! Not now.

Stay strong, sisters! Keep fighting!

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Written by Vespertilio